Friday, July 20, 2007

MacGayver

So I just got back from a very brief, overnight business trip to Austin.

Since the trip was so short, I packed very little. I did comply with the new regulations regarding liquids and gels being packed in a plastic bag for all the world to see.

I wake up in Austin. I have a little time before I have to meet my boss downstairs in the hotel lobby. So I do some email, order some room service, take a shower, and generally get ready. I wait til the very last minute to do my hair because I want it to be a bit dry so that the product takes better. This becomes a flaw in my plan, as five minutes prior to meeting my boss, I realize that I did not pack a brush/comb in my plastic baggie.

My hair, being freshly towel dried and then left to sit for about 30 minutes, makes me look like a metrosexual Krusty the Clown. My head is actually wider than it is tall.

I begin to flip out, but in a moment of amazing ingenuity, I search for the most comb-like thing in the room.

A fork.

I did my hair with the room service fork (an unused one, luckily they gave me two, and the other was yolk-encrusted). My hair looked damn nice too.

Boss and other coworkers had no idea that flatware was a part of my beautification process.

I do realize that I could have called the front desk for a comb, but I was in a time crunch, and needed to act fast.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

The Clone Wars Have Begun

Although my name is somewhat common, I have never met or indirectly known of any alternate Andrew Prestons. What is strange is that in a period of hours, I made acquaintance with an actual Andrew Preston AND I had my full name mentioned in a TV show.

My new company is so large that they already had one me, and in fact, he works rather closely with my group. With me coming on board there was all sorts of email confusion with this other Andrew. Things have kinda been sorted out, but I expect an ongoing "is this yours?" relationship with the other Andrew.

Flash forward about 5 hours. I am watching an episode of Entourage. Jeremy Piven's character is having problems with getting his son into a private school. He gets a suggestion from a friend: "You need to talk to Andrew Preston." Turns out Andrew Preston is played by Dan Castellaneta (of Simpsons fame). Piven actually says "Andrew Preston, just the guy I was looking for."

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Mini Orgy

We played mini golf last night. I noticed on our scorecard, that the rules for the course were much more interesting if you read them as if they were rules to an orgy. Enjoy.

1. Only five people per group at any hole
2. Play each hole in turn. No skipping holes.
3. 6 stroke limit on each hole.
4. Ball against curb or obstacle may be moved one club head length.
5. Should a ball go out of bounds, replace it where it went out and take a stroke penalty.
6. Rain check only. No cash refunds.

Sunday, July 01, 2007

Things That if I Had a Stand Up Act, Might Be in It

"I just realized that the lotion that I have been using to masturbate with has an SPF of 15...I am pretty sure at this point I can father a black child."

"Do you think the other interrogatives get jealous of the ones that get used as doubles to define something of particular interest? I mean, you can be the who's who or know what's what, but what about the why's why, where's where, when's when, or how's how?"


You can clearly see from the above that I am a computer salesperson.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Metallica Preston

From Yahoo news: "Couple fights to name baby 'Metallica'

2 hours, 15 minutes ago

STOCKHOLM, Sweden - Metallica may be a cool name for a heavy metal band, but a Swedish couple is struggling to convince officials it is also suitable for a baby girl.
ADVERTISEMENT

Michael and Karolina Tomaro are locked in a court battle with Swedish authorities, which rejected their application to name their six-month-old child after the legendary rock band."

This is just freaking awesome. This is also the reason that Tracie and I don't have kids.

Read the full article here.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Hair Bands !!!

A goofy Internet quiz! Try and guess the name of the hair band with their faces blurred out. Check it out here.

Bet you can't beat my score. It's perfect!

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

You #$%@ Milking @#$& Burrito

This crap is funny. A formula for insults. Just a warning for those of you who work for the man, this contains naughty words.

http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1724114